I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Randomize
