I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
