If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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