Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
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