Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
you will always have a special place in my vag
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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