I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
