dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
