I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
