Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I yelled at your uterus for you.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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