come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
