hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
