he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Are we still banned from the library?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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