Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
