I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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