I can tuck mytits in my pants
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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