If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
