White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
