Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Randomize
