Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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