i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
