Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
