I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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