I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
