Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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