no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
