I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
