just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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