New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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