I got chris browned last night
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
it hurts more in the daytime
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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