I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
well you can't waste a boner
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
