she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Randomize
