if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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