i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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