We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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