someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
