I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Who died my cat blue again?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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