I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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