I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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