He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
