Hey man sorry I got all grabby
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
