hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
You made out with two different species that night
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
