just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
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Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
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Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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