whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
