some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
