I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
