Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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