Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I don't deserve a penis
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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