You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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