I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
