Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
