so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
