Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
