He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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