I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
