garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
