I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
