Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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