I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
