garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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