Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I wish I only lived at night.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
