i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
