ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
