yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
My life is pants optional.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
