I wish my penis had an off switch
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
