Me too!
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
