Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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