I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I puked a lego.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I think pants incapable of making pants work
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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