Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
