First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize