I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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