epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
