Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize