Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I'm having to shit out rocks
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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