Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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