I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Girls should come with a carfax report
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
